7 tips on how to deal with loneliness and depressing thoughts while working remotely as a journalist
“Loneliness is a sign you’re in desperate need of yourself” — Rupi Kaur
Most of the time when I tell people I live and work remotely they envy me because of the opportunity to work from anywhere and the freedom to go wherever you want. And it’s true, those are the big advantages of a remote working lifestyle and the people who are living their lives like that reinforce the image by posting enviable photos on their social media accounts. Or, like me, don’t share so much about the downside of this way of life.
I struggle sometimes to post about negative emotions because at the end of the day I do live a life that a lot of people dream of. But I’ve noticed since COVID-19 that the lows are lower than usual and it made me think of all the other media colleagues who during this pandemic are forced to remote working and probably deal with the same emotions. The fact that I studied holistic lifestyle coaching and developed a spiritual practice over the last 12 years is a lifesaver for me this year because it provides me handles to deal with challenging moments. In this article, I share with you what I do to stay mentally and physically well while spending lots of time in one place.
1. Create a healthy relationship with your body
There are many articles out there with tips and tricks about this topic. The main thing I’ve learned over the years is that everybody is different. Literally, every body is different. So there is not just one way or one solution to the problems you are facing. Important is to create a healthy relationship with your body, so you can listen carefully to the signals you get from there. The stress-related issues of our society, from having difficulties to sleep to severe burn-outs, are often rooted in a disconnect between mind and body.
I became aware of my body when I started doing yoga. It wasn’t that I didn’t know before that I had a body, but really feeling certain muscles and bringing the attention from my head to my body was new for me until then. As a child, I exercised a lot. I loved running, I played soccer in elementary school and I practised competitive swimming for many years. But moving your body is something different than being conscious of your body and able to listen to the signals it sends.
2. Listen to your body
In Vipassana mediation, I learned how to observe the sensations in my body. Before something becomes a thought in your head, it already is an experience in your body. So, therefore, the observation of body sensations is a gateway to understanding what is happening in your subconscious. From noticing the unnecessary tension you create while sitting in a chair behind your laptop to freezing of the body when you’re having an unpleasant conversation with someone or experiencing a troublesome situation. Your body knows before you do. I’ve talked to people who had a burnout and the disconnect between mind and body is a clear sign of the mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. Suddenly you don’t understand anymore why your body doesn’t want to move or why you feel so tired all the time. Whereas your body has probably given you multiple signals before you ended up in burnout, but you weren’t aware and therefore couldn’t listen well to those warnings.
3. Accept the situation
It’s easier said than done, to accept the circumstances you’re in right now. The alternative is to fight the current situation. We tend to think that acceptance equals passive behaviour. The opposite is true. When you really accept the present moment, you’ll find out by doing it you give yourself permission to take targeted action from that place. If you hold aversion towards the condition you’re in, you still might solve it by finding a distraction in something like food, alcohol or attention of other people. But that will be temporarily and the root cause of your antipathy won’t be solved for the long term.
4. Dare to feel uncomfortable
Once you learn how to listen to your body you’ll get more sensitive to your feelings and in combination with accepting the state of emotions you’re in, things can get very uncomfortable at times. Instead of analyzing and rationalizing why you feel uncomfortable, try a practice like yin yoga that teaches you how to feel comfortable in an unpleasant situation. Again, there is nothing wrong with reading a good self-help book and getting advice from other people on dealing with rough times. But remember everybody is different and what works for others doesn’t necessarily work for you. The only way to find out is to try and fail and try again, like building the start-up of your own mental wellbeing. I mention yin yoga because the holding of postures for a longer period of time to target the connective tissue, teaches perfectly to not respond immediately or change your position when things become hard.
5. Relax. No really relax.
Maybe yoga isn’t your thing. And maybe you’re one of these people that deals with tough times by putting a lot of pressure on your body by going to the gym, going for a run or whatever other muscular activity you choose. That’s totally fine, just be aware of the fact that your nervous system is made out of a brake (parasympathetic) and accelerator (sympathetic). And when we’re doing stuff, like doing work, doing exercise, doing household tasks, and so on, we activate the accelerator of that system. In order to keep the system balanced, you need to hit the brakes sometimes. Rather than doing things, you should just be. Sit down or lay down and do nothing. It sounds easy but for most people, it’s very hard. If I talk with friends about this I get often things like ‘I watched Netflix on the couch’ or ‘I read a book while bathing’. You’re still doing something. What about staring out the window, letting your thoughts flow, lay in bed and observe your body sensations, sit on the couch and just listen to the sounds around you. Just be and give your nervous system the rest it needs to recover from everything you do all day.
6. Look at yourself from a distance
A lot of advice about mental wellbeing incapsulates a mediation or yoga practice. But maybe that’s not for you. Or at least not at this moment. One of the keys of meditation though is the ability to observe the thoughts in your head. As if you’re looking at yourself from a distance instead of identifying yourself with everything that pops up in your mind. This practice is extremely helpful in dealing with loneliness and depressing thoughts. Realizing that you’re not your thoughts and that feelings of loneliness will come and go is a liberating experience. In Buddhism, there is the concept of ‘Annica’, which can be translated as ‘impermanence’. Nothing is permanent, neither are your thoughts and feelings. The observation of yourself and your thoughts from a distance coupled with the understanding of Annica creates space to look at life as something that changes all the time. Try to ride the waves of change.
7. Ask for help
Not my biggest talent, but very important: you don’t need to do everything by yourself. I often call it one of the possible traps of mental wellbeing and spirituality: as if all the solutions need to come from you. If you feel lost and you read this article thinking ‘great advice, but I just can’t do it’, don’t wait any longer and seek professional help. Or maybe as a first step to share your feelings with your family, friends or colleagues. Mental wellbeing is still a taboo topic in many societies and in the profession of journalism too. Although we all recognize what I write about in this piece, it’s most of the time just a matter of speaking out about it and daring to be vulnerable. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.
